Meet Joe
You may know Joe, or you may know one of his many relatives.
Joe is a Grump.
For Joe, grumping has become a way of life.
This lighthearted web page introduces you to Joe, provides information about Joe's personal beliefs, examples of his world and survival tips for those exposed to grumps on a regular basis.
This information is compiled from circulated, re-circulated, recycled, rejected and refurbished email humor since 1998. Should this page catch on fire, Stop, Drop and Roll.
No grump testing was used and no grumps were harmed in the making of this web page.
CAUTION: Some grumps may appear larger than they are.
Signs Joe is a Grump
- He lights up a room just by leaving it.
- He believes anybody that doesn't share his point of view is an uninformed, wrong-headed ignoramus.
Joe's Office Skills
- Perfectionist. (He takes great pains and gives them, too.)
- Positive. (Being wrong at the top of his voice.)
- Manager. (Employees call him a seagull manager because he flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.)
Little Known Facts About Joe
- His favorite toy as a child was the Bullydozer.
- He believes he has the right to reject and delete any smile he deems unfit through his remote control Smiley Blaster.
- As a child, Joe was known as the Toyminator because he was that mean kid in the neighborhood who destroyed the other kid's toys.
Joe's Self Affirmations
- I am grateful that I am not a judgmental person like all those self-righteous, sanctimonious, perfectionist people around me.
- I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself as long as other people exist.
- I remain open to other's ideas and input, WRONG though they may be.
Joe was born under the sign of Anger Rising
- His lucky number is 59374 and he looks for it everywhere.
- His compatible sign is: No shirt. No shoes. No problem.
- His horoscope says: Be assertive today. lead a horse to water and INSIST that he drink.
Joe's Favorites
- Movie- Invasion of the Energy Suckers
- Game- Grump! You're it.
- Food- Gripe Juice
- Book- How to Harass Smilers Without Sustaining Personal Injury.
- College Course- Ego Gratification Through Intimidation.
- Music- The Grunt and Grumble boogie
- Bumper Sticker- Auntie Em: Hate you; hate Kansas, taking the dog. -Dorothy
- Song- I'm a cranky old Yank in a clanky old tank on the streets of Yokohama with my Honolulu momma singing the beat-o beat-o, slap me on the seat-o blues.
Joe has no sense of humor.
- He got mad when I yelled, "Yahtzee" in the middle of his business meeting.
- He got mad when I stuck an inhaler in my ear and inhaled deeply at another meeting.
OOOPS!
- What Joe should have said: You have quite an attractive mother.
- What Joe said: Who is that incredibly large and vulgar-looking woman?
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FACT
Stress is America's #1 health problem!
Humor may be one of the best ways to de-stress a situation. The Great American Grump Out uses humor as a stress-buster.
Proven Benefits of Humor
- Increases energy
- Diverts attention from anger and negative feelings.
- Helps one deal with difficult situations.
- Helps gain friends.
Proven Benefits of Laughter
- Strengthens the immune system.
- Reduces stress
- Acts as a pain-blocker
- Aids most, if not all, major systems in the body.
Email: jan1smile@aol.com
Let the Humor, Laughter and Healing Begin
Grump Jokes
Q. What vegetable weighs 20 pounds and twitches?
A. An angry Mexican jumping squash.
Q. What do you give a grumpy teacher?
A. Crab apples.
Q. Why did the employee throw the clock out the window?
A. Because his rude, loudmouth boss wouldn't fit.
Humor Odds and Ends
- Rules to live by: Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.
- Headline: Lassie mates with a cantaloupe. She has a little melon collie baby.
- I've learned not to sweat the petty things, and not to pet the sweaty things.
- I recently bought stock in a paper towel company and a revolving door company. I got wiped out before I could turn around.
- Conway's Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
- Did you hear about the ship that sailed from Taiwan with a cargo of yo-yo's? It sank 187 times.
- Things you never hear people say: "Hand me the piano."
Stress Busters
- Go into a dressing room and yell real loud. "Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here."
- Put some M&M's on layaway.
- Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restrooms.
- Get a box of condoms then wait in line at the checkout counter and ask the cashier where the fitting rooms are.
- Hide in the clothes racks and when people browse through, say, "Pick me!" "Pick me!"
- Move CAUTION WET FLOOR signs to carpet areas.
Do you have any clean humor to share? Sign our Guestbook and tell us.
It's through the use of humor we learn about the connection between negative attitudes, stress and health problems. Both adults and children are encouraged to get involved in the Great American Grump Out and have FUN finding a little window of peace. If we are looking to find peace in the world, why can't we start with ourselves?
Can YOU meet the challenge?
Grump Out
Stress
